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feeling kind of emotional tonight.

earlier today, and in fact for the past few days, my life was 100% occupied with thesis writing. my prof really tried his best to help me.. calling me up and stuffs even though he was on leave to make sure i was really okay with the writings and stuffs.. but a perfectionist as i am, nothing really seemed perfect in the thesis.

i really really thought my thesis was okay until today, when i had to submit it to school by 4pm.

i checked it through for one last time this morning and i found a mistake. wanted to make sure that was really a mistake so i contacted my prof (who was on leave again) by sms. he didn't reply until probably around 12+pm, and i'd already started printing some other unaffected pages with my epson inkjet.

it turned out that it was really a mistake so i had to edit the thesis here and there. by the time the whole thing was ready for printing, it was already 2pm. the time i planned to leave home for school already.

but i had to print before heading to school any how, so i didn't really care much about the time and just kept printing. until, my printer failed me. white lines started to appear on my diagrams and they looked really ugly. i was rushing for time then, so didn't really bother much. i didn't even really checked through to see if the page numbers were in order. it was already 3.20pm and i was STILL PRINTING. felt really desperate so i sent my thesis to shining, who helped me print the last few pages in school coz i really really had to leave home already. thanks a lot girl! (:

also, thank god i had my daddy, who offered to send me to school. this was not the first time that i had to ask him to send me to school so last minute coz i was rushing for time. coincidentally everytime when i needed this favour from him he would be there. and then i made a mess out of my room coz i was in such a panic. my mummy also offered to tidy up my room for me and even switched on the aircon for me (though i was already about to leave the house) coz i was really sweating from all the rush ):

in the end, i submitted the thesis with those ugly diagrams. i wanted to tell the prof then and there, coz i was pretty sure she would allow me to reprint on the spot if i wanted to. stupid me decided to keep quiet about it until after submission i'm regretting this decision so much. so so much! now my mood just cannot be lightened up even after the submission coz of those damned diagrams. i emailed the prof to confess about this and i don't think she's going to reply until tuesday coz of the long weekend. sigh. i really hope they wont mind those flaws and if they really do, i hope they'll give me a 2nd chance to reprint before poster day next week. PLEASE? :"(

had such a hectic and stressful day that until now even though i'm really really tired i still can't get myself out of the shock yet. the thought of those damned diagrams isn't helping at all. tried to get my mind off all these fyp nonsense and but all else that came to my mind were even lousier things.

CHINA.

something that i had tried to avoid thinking for the past don't-know-how-long, is finally going to take place 2 weeks from now. it feels like the end of the world for me, coz i know what awaits me there is something really different from my life now. this trip is supposed to be exciting but to me it feels just like being forced into reincarnation. i really hope some things in china can change my mind and make me miss home less.

probably the traumatic fyp experience today stirred up all sorts of emotions in me. i was never really a very homely person. honestly i didn't really miss home when i studied in korea. but tonight, here i am sitting comfortably on my bed typing this post, i'm actually missing home, already.

i wonder who will be my hero over there, driving me from places to places because i'm rushing for time, tidying up my room simply because i don't have the time to, etc.

i hope that when i'm finally back, i will have the ability to repay those who had devoted their lives to taking care of me - daddy and mummy (:

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